So trite, but sometimes song lyrics do say it better.

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking, feeling

spin me 'round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets amass with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears
they were here first

Mmmm what d'ya say,
Mmmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm what d'ya say,
Mmmm that's all for the best?
of course it is
Mmmm what d'ya say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
Mmmm what d'ya say?
Mmmm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
midsweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling
no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
midsweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

(hide and seek)
speak no feeling
no, I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
oh no, you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit

-Imogen Heap

Do you wonder where I am? I'm at a red light.

You sing a song
While sitting at a red light
You think of home
While sitting at a red light

Too slow to roll
Put your life on hold
An open path
With nowhere to go
You start to wonder
While sitting at a red light

You could run a red light
Give up at a red light
You break the mold
When running through the toll
Speeding through your whole life

A chance to breathe
While sitting at a red light
You look around
reflecting on your life

A chance to think
Am I drinking too much
Should I keep going
Lose the life that I love
A second glance
While I'm coming to a red light

You could run a red light
Give up at a red light
You break the mold
When running through the toll
Speeding through your whole life

You could run a red light
Give up on your whole life
You break the mold
While you're running through the tolls
Speeding through your whole life

When things look low
You've gotta keep strong
Feet to the grass
You've gotta walk it off
The bow's been tied
Too tight to laugh
Feet to the ground
You've gotta walk it off

Walk on

You can run a red light
You can run a red light

Start to think
Am I drinking too much
Should I keep going
Lose the life that I love

You could run a red light
Give up at a red light
You break the mold
When running through the toll
Speeding through your whole life

You can run a red light
Give up on your whole life.
You break the mold
When running through the toll
Speeding through your whole life

You can run a red light
You can run a red light

You sing a song
While sitting at a red light

-Johnny Lang

Sometimes, when you have big things on your mind, you should just revel in the fun. The simple, silly fun.

Truth, indeed.

We all talk about truth in comedy. Comedy=tragedy+time, etc. Never has this been more clear to me than it was last night.

The last several weeks have been a blur of hospitals and doctors and nurses and procedures and deep, dire conversations. My dad is doing better, and on Monday we moved him into a nursing home. The move is supposed to be temprorary, just until he regains his strength enough to go home, but I am not the only one who fears that we may not see that happen.

I'm getting to the improv part, I promise.

I was on stage last week, but my head was at the hospital. How could it not be? It made for a difficult show, and I probably should not have played at all, but I was grateful for the outlet.

Last night, I went to the nursing home straight from work and sat with my dad for a while and then headed to the theater to play, my mind so occupied by thoughts of family and obligation that I almost missed my exit.

With 'Swamp' as our suggestion, we began our Harold, and when I stepped out with Dave in the first scene, his initiation was "You're going to put me in a home."

I was momentarily overwhelmed by the fact that Dave was reading my mind. For a week, I have had nightmares about being in a nursing home . Then I thought to myself, "Ok, I can either shut down, or I can just take all this shit that's rolling around in my head and explore it to see what it means."

During the show, I said so many of the things that I have said or thought for the last few weeks. It was incredibly cathartic. Dave played a dad (he plays the BEST dads) who was vigorous and obviously didn't need to be in a home. I was the daughter who kept trying to impose old age on him and make him feeble when he wasn't.

Daughters always want to see their daddies as strong. In a way I can't explain, this scene helped me to accept and understand my feelings with what is going on with my dad right now. It helped me to play with my fears and thereby, understand them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you've got big things on your mind, those things should be in your improv. What we are ultimately trying to do is explore the human condition, and it just so happens that there is much to rejoice in there. Don't hide from it.

Lofty thoughts

I am a spiritual person, specifically a Christian, but my spiritual journey has taken me in a lot of different directions.

No, that's not right. My spiritual journey has taken me in only one direction - toward truth - but I have made a lot of stops along the way and learned a lot of different things. All of these things have contributed to my quest for truth, which I know lies somewhere at the end of my journey, many years, and possibly many lifetimes, from now.

Such is my improv journey. I have had a number of teachers and read a bunch of stuff, and occasionally some of what I have learned seemingly contradicts itself. Sometimes one teacher will even contradict himself (sometimes even in the space of one note). All of this is part of my journey to improv truth. None of it is wrong, and all of it is crucial to my growth.

Just as in my spiritual journey, I try to listen to everything. I try to remember as much of it as I can, and try to I apply it wherever it seems to fit. If it doesn't fit in a particular situation, I don't discard it as nonsense. I simply put it aside for future reference. I have found that most everything someone thought worth teaching was worth learning. It just has to be used at the right time. God help me to remember it all.

Um...

we are not a cult.

Walk like an Egyptian

This morning while I was walking the dog, I watched the woman who was walking in front of me. She had a peculiar gait. I can't figure out how to describe it in a way that makes sense. Edit: I just figured it out! She walked like a marionet, with her torso appearing to hang just a bit behind her legs. Anyway, I caught myself trying to mimic her walk. I didn't think "I wonder if I can walk like that", I just found myself trying it. (It hurt my knees)

This is something I catch myself doing a lot - mimicking gestures or facial expressions or voices that catch my interest. Sometimes I repeat an interesting turn of phrase or bit of idiom a couple of times so I'll remember it.

It can be awkward if someone walks into the room while I'm doing it. They just look at me funny, but I overheard someone the other day talking about me observing people and taking notes. I don't literally take notes, but that is essentially what I am doing. I just didn't realize that it was that obvious. Fortunately, the overheard conversation seemed positive. I think they hope they wind up in my improv one day, and they probably will, or have.

The first class of the Level 3L with Scott last night was really awesome. After all the really theroetical stuff Zach had us working on (which was fascinating, even when it was breaking my brain) it really felt good to work directly on scenework and relationship. Scott can get me to find and focus on a relationship like nobody else can. He just has that way about him. I am improv happy right now.

Jeeezus! Look at the time! Why am I not sleeping? Oh, right. Feckin' improv.

Tonight was the last Level 2. Mind blowing shit, this class. I am glad I took it, but I'm not sure when I will catch up with most of it. Tonight we did the now-traditional 360 review type wrap-up. I like this, but at the same time, it makes me uncomfortable. I love talking about improv with the people I play with, but I never feel adequate to the task of this review process. These people are all so funny and talented. Who am I to judge them? So I just always tell them why I love playing with them and why I love watching them play. I guess that's the idea, anyway.

I was pleased and humbled by the feedback my classmates gave me. I have talked before about how I never did anything before in my life that I couldn't master immediately. I don't know what it was about improv that made me keep pushing on, no matter how much I sucked. To hear people telling me that I'm good at this and that they feel safe with me on stage - that means more than most of you can imagine.

And it is interesting that some folks wanted to see me play equal or lower status characters. I remember a DSIF workshop with Jill Bernard where she relentlessly worked to get me to take a higher status. She told me I was an expert at turning a high status character into a low status one, and we worked to overcome that. I guess she taught me good.

Jason Quinn, my new TTB! teammate, said something that caught my attention tonight. He talked about coming into a scene with half an idea. To people unfamiliar with improv, that might seem like an insult - like saying someone has half a brain. In improv, though, that is what we really want to do when starting a scene. We don't need the whole idea. Each of us needs to come into the scene with half an idea. Our scene partner will have the other half.

How cool is that?

I will be moving on to the Level 3. I will take a class with Jennings every chance I get. Plus, I like playing with these people. I hope they all take the class.